Camera phones are neat!!

Ok I've got a little lapse in creativity so the Story of Uncle Hat is on hiatus for little bit. In the meantime, I'll share with you some of the great things you can catch on film (or digital whatever) if you have a camera phone handy. Such as:

My adorable little niece showing just how smart she is
Or the limo I want when I get married

What says "Fabulous Mexican Restaurant" better than neon palm trees
Your little cowgirl being embarrasingly cute

Dirty street signs A drum set that looks like toxic waste barrels
Or some spontaneous schmoopiness at the WXTU country music festival

Chapter Six

Uncle Hat and Princess Dirkey ran far and wide but they could not shake the evil ogre dan. Fortunately for them, they were aided by eod's arch enemy the LipGloss Fairy (aka - Malibu Barbie).

They finally decided the best way to shake Evil Ogre Dan would be to leave the country. So they flew to Paris.

But EOD and LipGloss were right behind them.

(Doesn't he look kinda like Zoolander in this pic? I swear that's "Blue Steel")

After running a long time across the world Hat and Dirkey were tired. They decided to finally stop and confront Evil Ogre Dan. As they stopped to confront him the LipGloss Fairy caught up with them. Eventually they worked out their differences and became friends.

Ok so EOD was still a little bit of a jerk with the "Me hate schmooping!" but whatever. We enjoyed Paris.

Intermission

Princess Dirkey had this posted on her blog so i decided to take a brief respite from my "dramatic" tale and post this "silly survey".
1.What time did you really get up this morning? 6:18
2. Diamonds or Pearls? not that i wear them myself but diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Click
4. What is your favorite T.V. show? Who wants to be a super hero. A reality show with grown people in spandex costumes given stunts by the host Stan Lee of Marvel comics. Funniest thing i've seen on tv in my life.
5. What did you have for breakfast? two breakfast burritos from mcdonalds
6. What is your middle name? Andrew
7. What is your favorite cuisine? seafood
8. What foods do you dislike? cheap, childrens' fruit flavored snacks like fruit rollups and gushers etc...
9. What is your favorite potato chip? I think Doritos made black pepper flavored chips
10. What is your favorite cd? Currently i'd have to say the newest Mercy Me cd. "Coming up to breathe".
11. What kind of car do you drive? civic si
12. What is your favorite sandwich? peanut butter and jelly.
13. What characteristics do you despise? mean people
14. Favorite item of clothing? My Hat. duuh
15. Favorite vacation spot? went on a two week trip through Paris, Germany and Switzerland.
16. What color is your bathroom? White. My whole apartment is white with very light neutral brown carpet. I think every apartment is decorated this way. What's wrong with color???
17. Favorite brand of clothes? My hiking boots are timberland. I really like them. everything else is usually target, walmart, old navy or whatever's cheapest. don't care much.
18. Where would you like to retire? somewhere surrounded by lots of trees and right on a lake. Hawaii would be nice too.
19. favorite time of week? Saturday.
20. Where were you born? Washington township, NJ
21. Favorite sport to watch? ice hockey. GO FLYERS!
22. What type of detergent do you use? not a clue. whatevers cheapest
23. Coke or Pepsi? coke i guess but i'm trying to quit soda
24. Are you a morning person or night owl? morning
25. What size shoe do you wear? 10
26. Do you have pets? no
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everybody? That's where i saw the leprachuan. He tells me to burn things.
28. What did you want to be when you were little? a fighter pilot
29. Favorite Candy Bar? hershey chocolate bar dipped in peanut butter.
30. What is your best childhood memory?
31. What are the different jobs you have had? telemarketer, stockboy at Caldor, inside sales, service writer at an auto center, computer instructor, computer helpdesk
32. Favorite Color? Blue and Green
33. How many best friends do you have? 5
34. Eye color? blue
35. Ever Been to Africa? not yet
36. Ever been toilet papered? yes but that's kinda personal... oh wait you mean, nevermind.
37. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes
38. Been in a car accident? yes
39. Croutons or Bacon bits? croutons
40. Favorite day of the week? saturday
41. Favorite restaurant? Smittys in or near ocean city NJ
42. Favorite flower? don't really have one
43. Favorite Ice Cream? either coffee, cookies n cream, mint choc chip, choc chip cookie dough
44. Disney or Warner Brothers? Warner Bros.
45. Favorite fast food restaurant? baja fresh
46. What color is your bedroom carpet? answered this in question 16. don't get me started again.
47. How many times did you fail your drivers test? 1
48. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? best buy
48. What do you do most often when you get bored? play guitar
49. Last person you went to dinner with? Princess Dirkey, Keith and Mama K.

Chapter Five

Uncle Hat and Princess Dirkey saved Christmas but besides the satisfaction of a job well done they got a little bonus. They fell madly in love.

Uncle Hat couldn't stop thinking about the beautiful Princess Dirkey. They would send love letters back and forth.

Hat would send flowers. And Princess Dirkey would lay in bed at night thinking "He's amazing!" The days were filled with much joy and schmoopiness. But not all was right with the world. Hat and Dirkey had been followed on their way back from the North Pole by the evil ogre Dan!!

The evil ogre dan hates schmoopiness and he could smell it all over Hat and Dirkey. Evil ogre dan vowed to destroy all the schmoopiness in the world so he picked up their trail and followed them back home. Hat and Dirkey feared for their loved ones' safety so they did the only thing they could. They ran.

Chapter Four

Hat, Hong John and Wellington were doing very well with their helpdesk and they became very good friends. One day Hat received a call from one of Santa's elves. A penguin had become stuck in one of the toy making machines and the elves didn't know how to repair it. Hat and his friends helped the elves repair the machine (as well as recommend a good cleaning service... eewwww!). While Hat had them on the phone he wanted to know what Santa was going to bring for his little niece Hannastasia. The elf searched and searched but couldn't find any record of Hat's niece. Uncle Hat became very frustrated but the elf refused to continue the conversation. "Santa's Naughty & Nice list is very thorough. He couldn't make a mistake like this." the elf said and hung up the phone. "Oh no!" thought Uncle Hat. "Santa can't possibly skip Hannah on her very first Christmas! I've got to do something!" But Uncle Hat had no idea what to do. He called his friend Princess Dirkey. "There's only one thing to do" she said. "We'll just have to go to the North Pole and see Santa in person."
So Uncle Hat and Princess Dirkey set off on their journey to see Santa. Uncle Hat's hatchback steed was very reliable and had great fuel economy but it was missing one thing. It didn't have a Jolly Fat Man Detector. Hat and Dirkey wandered around the North Pole for hours but couldn't find Santa's workshop. All they found were Reindeer.
They decided to follow the reindeer and their strategy worked. The deer lead them right to the front gates.
Unfortunately, Santa's magical kingdom was guarded. The guards would not allow Hat and Dirkey to enter. So they disguised themselves as reindeer and snuck in.
Once they were in they quickley found Santa and explained to him the mix up. Santa not only discovered that he had missed Hannastasia but many other children too. "Oh my goodness!" Santa cried. "That would have been horrible. You two have helped prevent a great mistake. What can I do to repay you?"
They both asked for Chocolate.

Chapter Three

Hat now had even more reason to miss his family back in New Jersey. After spending several days at home it was time for him to return to Virginia. Upon returning Hat decided that even though he liked working with the other subcontractors he wanted to be closer to his family so he decided he would move closer to home.
Hat began his quest and traveled north. One day, as he walked, he found what looked like an abandon computer factory. Hat decided to go inside and look around. He found lots of old useless junk but there were a few good pieces scattered around. Hat was then shocked to discover there was a Chinese man living in the old factory.
"Hello" he said. "My name is Hong John Silver. I used to have a nice job but then they layed me off. I wandered the country side until I found this old factory. I've been living here ever since. It would be great to get this place going again but I can't do it all by myself." Hat thought about this for a while and realized that this place was much closer to New Jersey. So Hong John Silver and Hat found another person named Mr. Wellington to help them. Hat, Hong John and Wellington became good friends. Their first task was to clean all the useless junk out of the factory. It took a long time but eventually they finished. They were very proud of themselves.
"OH NO!!" They realized that after all that cleaning, there wasn't enough equipment left to get the factory back up and running. "What will we do now?" they cried.
They were very sad. All that work for nothing. So they decided to open a helpdesk and provide tech support.

Chapter Two

Hat (not yet Uncle Hat) had received a call from his brother. Hat's brother told him that ther father was very sick so Hat drove through the night to see his family. Not long after he began his journey he was assailed by highway bandits.

Hat pleaded with the bandit to let him go but they would not relent. The evil heartless bandit demanded he pay them money for driving too fast. So after the bandit gave Hat a ticket he was on his way once again.

Hat arrived in New Jersey and was greeted with good news. Not only was his father getting better but his brother's wife had given birth to their first child. Hat was very happy to see his new niece.

Chapter One

Once upon a time there was a man named Hat.
Hat lived in the land of New Jersey.... at least until he lost his job that is. Hat's brother Josh got Hat a job at the slave labor camp where he worked. The slave labor camp was a miserable place to work. They were very mean to their employees but at least they treated their customers like family. While working at the slave labor camp Hat met the beautiful Princess Dirkey. Dirkey and Hat became friends and even went to a Dave Matthews concert together but the rest of that story comes later.
The slave labor camp continually dangled the carrot of career advancement in front of Hat so he stuck around. Eventually Hat realized that he would never get that carrot. Hat moved to the far off land of Newport News where he got a job as a sub-contractor for the King's Army.
This was a good job. Hat liked the other sub-contractors and the lovely peninsula that he lived on but Hat was lonely. He was very far away from his friends and family. Fortunately he was able to travel home to New Jersey periodically because he had a magical horse with two doors and a hatch back.
Hat also kept in touch with Princess Dirkey by writing letters and sometimes visiting her when he traveled home to New Jersey.
Late one night Hat's brother called him and told him that their father was very sick. Hat got in his trusty hatchbacked steed and traveled through the night to New Jersey.
To be continued....

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Stay tuned for exciting schmoop news.